3 Years Ago Today....

3 years ago today we had a routine doctors appointment at 10:00am to see how much our little "bean" had grown. we were only a few weeks away from delivery and we were so very excited. bags were packed, nursery was ready and we were ready to meet our new baby boy. Mike had an appointment downtown earlier in the morning so he was just going to meet me at the doctors office. i went ahead in and got my blood presssure taken and weighed. I went back to the exam room and waited for the doctor to come in and check me. Dr. Salley was on the OB side that day and I had seen him before so I liked him alot. He came in and we talked for a few minutes and as I got up on the exam table and he was getting ready to place the warm gel on my belly to listen for the heartbeat , there was a knock at the door and mike walked in . As he placed the doppler on my belly he had a hard time locating the heartbeat and he had a concerned look on his face. I knew immediatly something was wrong.  He asked the nurse to bring in a portable ultrasound machiene and then the most devestating news that anyone could ever  hear came out of his mouth.  At that very moment , my world came crashing down. Our sweet baby bean had passed away in my belly and was already with Jesus. How in the world did this happen? why did this happen to me? what did i do wrong?  Millions of questions rushed through my head. He wanted us to have a normal ultrasound done to see if he could diagnose what happened. so they wisked us into the big ultrasound room where just weeks before we had a 3D ultrasound of Carter and he was kicking and very active. as they turned on the ultrasound machine there he was laying completly still. not moving no heartbeating , no anything. just lifeless. I was completley crushed. this had to be a nightmare. I just wanted to wake up. After the ultrasound Dr. Salley escored us into his office to talk about delivery. He informed us that we were to go home and come back to the hospital the following morning to start the induction process and deliver Carter. GO home? really? Go home to a home that we planned on welcoming our new baby boy in a few weeks . a home that smelled of baby powder and baby lotion and was already filled with baby stuff? really? how could we go home. After we received the terrible news that our baby had died in my womb , news spread quickly. before we knew it people were calling, emailing, texting and showing up.  As we got in the car from the doctors office, I was actually listening to Jeremy Camp on the way to the office that morning and as we drove away, "Walk by Faith" was playing and at the time, looking back I can see where God was trying to speak to us but honesty at the time I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out again. We had some very dear friends, Kathy and Devin Henson so graciously invite us to spend the night at their house that night so that we did not have to stay in our empty house before having to be at the hospital so early the following morning. At first I just wanted to be alone but the best thing we could have done was go over there and be in fellowship with friends. Before going home we were told we needed to go to the church chapel for prayer. When we arrived , we were greeted by so many loving friends who were there to wrap their arms around us and pray for us. it was truely amazing.  After we had prayer in the chapel we went home to get a few things and then head to Devin and Kathy's house.  a few friends met us over at our house to show their sympathy and love.  We gathered our stuff and headed over to the Henson's house for the evening. That night a few friends, The Mathias' and the Freemans came over and we sat around and talked. It was good to fellowship and be surrounded by so many loving friends that deeply cared for us. that evening I laid in the bed and held my stomach and cried all night. I just kept thinking I was going to feel carter move and that this was all going to be a mistake. unfortunetly, i felt nothing all night. Our baby was already in heaven with Jesus and I was going to say hello and goodbye to him the following day.