One Year ago Today

It is hard to believe that One year ago today we said Hello and goodbye to our son, Addison Carter White. I am not writing this post to try and re-focus on my pain. Nor, am I writing this post to try to make a big deal out of the suffering that I have experienced over the past 12 months. I am writing this as a testimony to God's grace to bring me through this loss, and also a memorial to our baby - because I will never forget him.

I would be lying if I said that I am here , a year later totally over the loss of Carter. I truely don't think I will ever be "over" it. I am however, completely amazed and thankful for God's grace to me and giving me peace in times when , in my own flesh I would have none. Not only knowing but BELIEVING in God's sovereigity is a great comfort. I do not know how I would every get through a loss like this, or any other, without understanding the sovereigity of God. I know that my "human mind" could go so many places of how, why, this is unfair, etc But thankfully one of the many ways God has been gracious to comfort me through this is with his loving soverigity over ALL things, and by his grace he allows me to trust him fully, because he is good and does all things well.

I am so thankful to God for being so gracious to surround me with many loving friends and family members who have been so thoughtful to ask me how I am doing and so kind to listen me when I needed to talk. I appreciate every phone call, text message, letter, card, hug, smile , etc.

But he said to me " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, so that the power of Christ will rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12.9

Happy Birthday Carter! We love you!

Christmas in Heaven

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond descriptions to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.
So be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you near,
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all “love” is the gift, more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
For I can’t count the blessings or love He has for you.
So have a joyous Christmas and wipe away the tear,
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Aurhor Unknown----


We LOVE you Carter!
Have a Merry Christmas in Heaven!

Love,
Mommy, Daddy and Bailey

Giving Thanks.....

By the time I finish this post it will be Thanksgiving Day. I am so thankful for alot of things in my life; Jesus Christ, Family, Love, Health, Faith, ,a Great Job,Great Friends, but this Thanksgiving there is one thing in particular that I am most thankful for. This time last year we were preparing for the birth of our Son. Now one year later our lives have completley changed. This year I am Thankful to God for the opportunity to get pregnant and giving me 8 1/2 months with my Son. I am thankful for all of the kicks, punches, heartburn, nausea,weight gain and everything that had to go along with my pregnancy that so many of us take for granted. I am thankful for the Doctors and nurses who were so wonderful to us at the hospital during our delivery. I am thankful for ALL of our MANY FRIENDS and FAMILY who have been there for us through this time. Every call, card, letter, email, prayer, truely has helped me get this far. I could not have made it this far without you all and I can not say thank you enough!

Everyone says the Holidays will be difficult and I felt like I was on the road to healing, up until a few days ago. I felt the "wound" that has taken such a large part out of my heart was starting to heal. Please pray God will grant us strength and comfort in this time as our Sons absence will be much more evident to us during this time.

1 Thessalonians 5:8 says "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". all circumstances? No, I am not thankful that Carter died , but I am THANKFUL to know that God has a plan and a purpose for this and I know that he will continue to walk beside me each and every day and grant me Peace in knowing that he is in control of my life.

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

"THE LIGHT"

Every night I turn on Bailey's lamp on when it is getting close to bed time and I also turn on our "beans" light as well. When it is time to go to bed either Mike or myself go in and turn the lamp off and say good night to our precious son. I can not tell you how difficult it is sometimes to go in there and smell the smell of baby powder and lotion and realize that the crib that was supposed to be our son, Carter's bed, is still exactly the way it has been for almost 9 months. Everything is exactly the way it has been for 9 months, when we should be picking up toys, play yards and experincing him trying to crawl, walk and talk, instead we are wiping tears from our eyes and longing just to hold or touch our sons skin just one more time.
I have been praying lately for God to give me a sign to know little Carter is safe in the arms of our Lord . I have been praying for a few weeks for this, as I am trying to give my guilt and heavy heart to God. This week I went down the hall to make sure all of the lights were off before I left for work, and as I walked by Carter's room there appeared as his lamp was still on. I thought to myself, I know I cut his lamp off last night. I stood at his door and was frozen as the hair stood up on end on my arms. Above Carter's crib was a bright light. As tears began to stream down my face I realize that God had answered my prayers. There as I stood weaping I felt to presence of the Holy Spirit showing me,my son is safe with Jesus in Heaven by providing a Light above his crib. "For you are my lamp , oh Lord, and my God lightens my darkness" 2nd Samuel 22:29.

6 months ago.....

6 months ago yesterday our son, Addison Carter White, grew wings and flew to Heaven to be with Jesus. It seems like just yesterday we were so excited about his arrival to this world. My pregnancy flew by so fast. I will never forget the day we found out we were expecting, May 19, 2007. I loved being pregnant. It was so incredible to feel Carter moving and kicking all of the time. He especically loved snicker bars!!! :) However, everytime I went to the doctor and got on the scales , and the nurse kept saying I was gaining MORE and MORE weight... I wasn't loving that;) But I have no regrets. December 28, 2007 will forever be etched in my mind. The day we found out our baby was not going to be arriving to this world. The day we found out that Jesus had decided he was going to raise our Son for us. My heart still aches for him. There is not one day that goes by that I do not wish that he was here with us. It was not until 2 days ago was I able to finish up his nursery and finally open his door. It feels so good to have his door open now. For the past 3 nights I have turned on his lamp in his room, just as I do Bailey's lamp in the evening before bed. I know that our Son is in Heaven and will forever be our Angel. It is comforting to know that one day we will spend eternity with him in Heaven. Through this experience I have been able to meet several ladies who have been through similar infant losses in the past months. It has truely been a blessing to be able to meet and communicate with people that are feeling the same way I am. I am also so lucky to have some of the best friends to be able to walk with us through this STILL most difficult time. We would not be where we are now, without all of our precious friends. I am not even going to attempt to name them ( because I feel certian I would probably leave someone out unintentionally) but you all know who you are!! I want you all to know how thankful and blessed we are to have you all in our life. We love each and everyone of you very much and you will always have a special place in our hearts. We truely could not have made it through this without you all. I am attaching some pictures of Carter's finished nursery. We love you Carter. Even though you will never physically be in your room, your prescence will always be felt in there.I love you MORE and MORE each and every day!

Addison Carter White 12/29/2008

Naomi Ross Ammons Lattimore

We had to say good bye to our Nannie yesterday. She passed away on Friday. Nannie was a great lady and a great inspiration to our family. She was a very spiritual lady and loves Jesus more than any one that I know. I will never forget her! Her favorite song was "Victory in Jesus" and we sang in going in to her service yesterday and leaving. As we were walking in I could hear her singing it!

Nannie inspired everyone in her family as well as everyone she came in contact with. She taught children Sunday School for 40 years. I will never forget all of the family dinners at Nannies house with the big meals including the Apple and Orange Cake, Chocolate pecan pie and her famous Macaroi and Cheese- just to mention a few! After we finished stuffing our face we would all gather around the TV and watch football or either go out in her yard and play football. There are so many memories with our Nannie and we will always remember her!

Nannie will greatly be missed and never be forgotten!

I love you Nannie!

Footprints in the Sand

By Mary Stevenson

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: onebelonging to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, helooked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of his lifethere was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and hequestioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one setof footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied,"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, itwas then that I Carried You."

Dear God- I know that you will carry us through this most difficult time in our lives and you will never leave us. We are praying that you will give us strength and guidance to make it through each and every day without our precious Carter. Life is so precious and so fragile. And through all of this one of the things you have shown me is that we should not take any thing for granted. we could have something one day and the next day it can be gone. Live each day as it is your last and take time to stop and tell the people you care about and love how much they mean to you. How many times did i take for granted the little kicks and "punches" that Carter would give me or the morning , noon and night sickness that i would complain about...... I would have all of that 10 fold to have my baby back in my arms now. but , i know he is in better hands now. I love you and so grateful that you gave your Son to die on the cross for us. Please tell my son, Addison Carter White that he will always be my sweet angel and i love him more than words can express . In Jesus Name- Amen

RIP Addison Carter White

It has been one month since my precious angel, Addison Carter White took an early flight to heaven. I know my sweet baby is looking down on us and forever be our angel watching us and keeping us safe.

Dear Carter- I miss you so much. I feel so empty without you in my life. Even though you never lived a day on this earth I feel so lost without you. I come home and feel like something is missing from our house, and it is... YOU. I know you are in a place that we all desire to be, walking with our Savior Jesus Christ and you will watch over us and keep us safe. I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart! We left you a bear on your grave on Sunday which was the day you were supposed to come in to our world. It says "Jesus Loves Me" on it and a little child sings "Jesus Loves me" when you press his belly. Your daddy and I thought it was perfect for you. I hope you like it. I think about you all of the time and wish that I could hold you in my arms again. I know one day we will be reunited once again but until then, know that your Mommy, Daddy and big brother Bailey love you unconditionally and you are missed greatly and will forever be in our hearts-

I love you my precious Angel, MOMMY