Happy 3rd Birthday Carter!

Today we celebrate our son's birth along with greive his death. Our baby boy was born sleeping on this day 3 years ago. We got to hold, kiss and love on our baby boy for many hours before they came to get him from the funeral home and the hours that we spent with him are still ever so fresh in my mind.  Today Carter is celebrating his birthday in Heaven with Jesus. There are no words that can describe the pain that we still carry with us every day, there are no actions that could have been done to prevent what happened and there will always be a piece of us missing. I struggle to understand what I did to deserve this, but I quickly remind myself, while this is incredibly painful I am blessed to know our Savior, Jesus Christ and am reminded that we are all children of God and one day we will be reunited with our Carter, and we will meet Jesus , the one that paid the ultimate price for all of us.  Thank you Jesus for blessing me with Carter and the ability to carry him for 8.5 months and also for blessing us with Carter's little brother, Cole. Cole brings so much joy and happiness in my life and he truely is a blessing from God.

I wanted to share a poem that I found a few months back that helps me get through the rough days . It is a reminder that Carter is with me and watching over me.

Happy Birthday Addison Carter White!
We love you so much!

I thought of you and closed my eyes,



And prayed to God today.


I asked what makes a Mother,


And I know I heard him say:


A mother has a baby,


This we know is true.


But, God, can you be a mother,


When your baby's not with you?


Yes, you can he replied,


With confidence in his voice.


I give many women babies,


When they leave is not their choice.


Some I send for a lifetime,


And others for a day.


And some I send to feel your womb,


But there's no need to stay.


I just don't understand this God,


I want my baby here.


He took a breath and cleared his throat,


And then I saw a tear.


I wish that I could show you,


What your child is doing today,


If you could see your child smile,


With other children who say:


We go to earth and learn our lessons,


Of love and life and fear.


My mommy loved me oh so much,


I got to come straight here.


I feel so lucky to have a mom,


Who had so much love for me.


I learned my lessons very quickly,


My mommy set me free.


I miss my mommy oh so much,


But I visit her each day.


When she goes to sleep,


On her pillow's where I lay.


I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,


And whisper in her ear.


"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."


So you see my dear sweet one,


Your children are Ok.


Your babies are here in My home,


They'll be at heavens gate for you.


So now you see what makes a mother.


It's the feeling in your heart.


It's the love you had so much of,


Right from the very start.


Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,


until their time is done.


They'll be up here with Me one day,


And you'll know that you're the best one!


-Author Unknown

Thank you to all of our friends and family that have stood by us and supported us for the past 3 years. We truely could not have done it without you!

3 Years Ago Today....

3 years ago today we had a routine doctors appointment at 10:00am to see how much our little "bean" had grown. we were only a few weeks away from delivery and we were so very excited. bags were packed, nursery was ready and we were ready to meet our new baby boy. Mike had an appointment downtown earlier in the morning so he was just going to meet me at the doctors office. i went ahead in and got my blood presssure taken and weighed. I went back to the exam room and waited for the doctor to come in and check me. Dr. Salley was on the OB side that day and I had seen him before so I liked him alot. He came in and we talked for a few minutes and as I got up on the exam table and he was getting ready to place the warm gel on my belly to listen for the heartbeat , there was a knock at the door and mike walked in . As he placed the doppler on my belly he had a hard time locating the heartbeat and he had a concerned look on his face. I knew immediatly something was wrong.  He asked the nurse to bring in a portable ultrasound machiene and then the most devestating news that anyone could ever  hear came out of his mouth.  At that very moment , my world came crashing down. Our sweet baby bean had passed away in my belly and was already with Jesus. How in the world did this happen? why did this happen to me? what did i do wrong?  Millions of questions rushed through my head. He wanted us to have a normal ultrasound done to see if he could diagnose what happened. so they wisked us into the big ultrasound room where just weeks before we had a 3D ultrasound of Carter and he was kicking and very active. as they turned on the ultrasound machine there he was laying completly still. not moving no heartbeating , no anything. just lifeless. I was completley crushed. this had to be a nightmare. I just wanted to wake up. After the ultrasound Dr. Salley escored us into his office to talk about delivery. He informed us that we were to go home and come back to the hospital the following morning to start the induction process and deliver Carter. GO home? really? Go home to a home that we planned on welcoming our new baby boy in a few weeks . a home that smelled of baby powder and baby lotion and was already filled with baby stuff? really? how could we go home. After we received the terrible news that our baby had died in my womb , news spread quickly. before we knew it people were calling, emailing, texting and showing up.  As we got in the car from the doctors office, I was actually listening to Jeremy Camp on the way to the office that morning and as we drove away, "Walk by Faith" was playing and at the time, looking back I can see where God was trying to speak to us but honesty at the time I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out again. We had some very dear friends, Kathy and Devin Henson so graciously invite us to spend the night at their house that night so that we did not have to stay in our empty house before having to be at the hospital so early the following morning. At first I just wanted to be alone but the best thing we could have done was go over there and be in fellowship with friends. Before going home we were told we needed to go to the church chapel for prayer. When we arrived , we were greeted by so many loving friends who were there to wrap their arms around us and pray for us. it was truely amazing.  After we had prayer in the chapel we went home to get a few things and then head to Devin and Kathy's house.  a few friends met us over at our house to show their sympathy and love.  We gathered our stuff and headed over to the Henson's house for the evening. That night a few friends, The Mathias' and the Freemans came over and we sat around and talked. It was good to fellowship and be surrounded by so many loving friends that deeply cared for us. that evening I laid in the bed and held my stomach and cried all night. I just kept thinking I was going to feel carter move and that this was all going to be a mistake. unfortunetly, i felt nothing all night. Our baby was already in heaven with Jesus and I was going to say hello and goodbye to him the following day.

Merry Chirstmas and Happy New Year !

              Merry Christmas to everyone and we hope you all have a blessed 2011.

Our Angel Tree

This year I decided that we needed a special tree in our house for our special angel. So, in memory of our precious baby boy, Addison Carter White, here is our angel tree. This will be his second christmas in heaven with Jesus. He spent his first and only christmas with us ( in my belly) and just days after christmas Jesus called him back to heaven. There is not one day that goes by that I do not think of him , but it is reassuring to know that I will see him again one day in Heaven.
The verse below has been laid upon my heart and my prayer in the upcoming 2011.
"Prase be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"  2 Corinthians 1:3-4

White Family Christmas Card

I love Shutterfly!


Shutterfly has so much to offer when it comes to the ways you can actually USE your pictures instead of just letting them sit on your memory card. They have tons of projects, and you can really let your creativity flow through all the different options they have for styles, patterns, and templates. My favorites are the photo books because making and giving these is truly something you can enjoy year round.

This year shutterfly is offering 50 free christmas cards to people who blog about shutterfly and their services. I have used shutterfly on several occasions. Their quality of products is fabulous and I have been pleased with all of the items we have ordered from shutterfly. I have made several cards for different occasions and they are still displayed at the peoples homes that they were given to because of the picture on the card ! I truely belive photo gifts are the best gift to give and will last a lifetime.  Check out the photo cards at the following link . http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery

Head on over to Shutterfly and take a look at their beautiful Christmas Card selection. http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards

I also like the photo calenders that shutterfly offers. they make great gifts that friends and family can enjoy all year around.  Click on this link to see what shutterfly has to offer  http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/


This years christmas card shows our family and the joy and happiness of our love for each other!  Here is a sample of the card we picked out.

Merry Christmas!

Lexington Life Magazine

Last Month I had the privilage to honor the life of our son, Addison Carter White, with the residents of Lexington, SC . When I was approached by the editor of the magazine to contribute to the article I did not have any hesitations. I submitted my testimony to the magazine and they used what they needed for the mothers day edition of this magazine. It was an honor to have our story featured and my prayer is that if only one person that read it that had expereinced such a difficult experince as losing a baby , they were able to see that through this or any other difficult time, there is always HOPE! Keep looking to God for strength, guidance and wisdom each and every day. He will never leave your side.  There is not one single day that goes by that I do not think of Carter, But the good news is, that I will be able to see him again one day and I thank God for letting me be his mother and for letting me expereince each and every move that he made for the 8 months that I carried him. Even though Carter never breathed a breath outside of the womb, he will be with us forever in our hearts and our lives.  Below is the link to the article that was featured in the magazine. The article is on page 10.

http://www.lexingtonlifemagazine.com/May10Full.pdf

9 Months

This post is LONG over due! I skipped the 8 month post but I am going to do my best to blog on a regular basis. Cole is now 9 months old. WOW has the past 9 months flown by! I can't believe in a few short months we will be celebrating his first birthday!  He is doing new things every day. He is now crawling or should I say power crawling everywhere. He is sooo fast! He is pulling up on everything and he is now getting brave and letting go for a few seconds before he sits down.  I do not think it will be long before he is going to be walking. We have baby proofed the house because he wants everything that he is not supposed to have ( remotes, cellphones, outlets, etc). He seems to understand the word "NO" but doesn't mean that he listens everytime we say it ( which ranges from 100-1000 times per day!)  He loves to dance when music is playing. it is sooo funny! He still isn't sleeping through the night, however he is getting better and putting himself back to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night.  He had to go to the Dr. this week and has an ear infection ( number 2 for him) and a viral throat infection. He has one tooth and another one getting ready to break through . He has been to the pool and loves the water. He is also starting to eat more table food and LOVES PUFFS! I think he could literally eat them all day!

I started a new job a few weeks ago. Unfortunelty I was unempolyed the month of May but I do believe it was a blessing. A blessing in the sence that I was able to spend each and every day with Cole. A friend of mine recommended a book to me, Mission of Motherhood , and I begain reading it last month. It is truely a eye opening book and I highly recommend it to any mother with any age child. It is awesome.  I am currently only working part time and get to spend two full days a week with Cole and I love it.  God knows what he is doing with our lives. Sometimes we are reminded that we are not in control and we need to "Be still and Know He is God".

Cole's First Trip to the Zoo

We took Cole last weekend to Riverbanks Zoo for the first time! It was a beautiful day! We went on the Sunday after spring break and it really was not crowded at all.  It was a great day!  Cole slept through some of the zoo but thats ok, we are planning another trip in a few weeks with his cousins Madison and Gracen.  I think Coles favorite animals were the tigers, and the gorillas( because those are mommy's favorites :) ). The zoo is supposed to get Kangroo's soon so we can't wait to see them.

Baby Dedication / 6 Months Old

Dear Time, You can slow down any time now!!! my baby is growing up way to fast!   Cole turned 6 months old last month. He has started sitting up on his own, and trying to crawl. He is army crawling and getting up on his hands and knees and rocking. it will not be long now before he is mobile ! We have ALOT of baby proofing to do.  Cole is a busy baby and loves to be moving and into whatever he can! he is also very inquisitive about things.  Still no teeth but his gums are really red and are hurting him so I am sure they will be popping through son! Cole amazes me every single day and makes me smile every time I look at him!

We also dedicated Cole to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in March at Radius Church. We were so blessed to have friends and family join us during this special day.  It was a very emotional day for me. Our pastor, Todd Carnes, dedicated Cole . Todd also preached Carter's funeral 2.5 years ago. While standing at the front of the church,my heart ached that we never got to Carter to the Lord but then I thought, Carter knows nothing about this mean and cruel world. He is in heaven with Jesus, and I can't think of any better place to be.   Todd and his wife have been such a blessing to us and helping us through counseling and chats as we went through the stages of the greif and heartache. Todd and Keri are such an inspiration to us !

5 Months Old

Cole turned 5 months last month ( gosh.... i am sooo behind)  with posting.... but I wanted to list 5 things about him that are special to me!

1.  He has started to try and sit up by himself. He is ALMOST there!

2. Still wearing some 3-6 month clothes and some 6-9 months clothes.

3. Still not sleeping ALL night, but that is OK.. :)

4. Loves his Johnny Jumper and loves watching his praise baby DVD

5. my most favorite time of the day is at night when it is bedtime and I rock him to sleep. i know that i am probably creating a monster by still doing this, but I am ok with it. during this time , we read books, sing and  have quiet mommy and cole time! i love it!

Cole also got to experience his first snow last month!  We went outside for a few minutes ( just to snap a few pictures) I think he was ready to go back in as soon as we got out there! :)

4 Months Old

I know this post is a little late, but better late than never! :)  Cole is growing up so much and changing and learning new things daily! He is developing quite a little personality and when he smiles it totally melts my heart!   Below are some 4 month stats for our little man!   Thank you Mimi for this adorable outfit. It was supposed to be his dedication outfit but, due to RSV we were unable to particpate in the baby dedication at church in January. They are having another one in March so we hope to participate in that one ! not sure if the outfit will fit but it was tooooo adorable to not take a few pictures in :) 

Weight: 15 Pounds 9 oz
Length: 26 in
Size 2 diapers
wearing 3-6 month clothes
eating 5-6 oz every 3 hours
introduced rice cereal
found his voice! :)
still not sleeping through the night , usually wakes up 1-2 times
does not like to take naps during the day ( unless someone is holding him :) )
started grabbing things with his hands
Hands are usually in his mouth
constantly drooling
started playing in exersaucer
Rolls from stomach to back ( when he feels like it)
loves listening to music

RSV

We rang in the new year with a sick baby! Cole had his first sickness the week of new years. He started coughing and we thought he might have a little cold. By Wednesday night he was wheezing and running a fever. We took him to his pediatrician New Years Eve day and he was diagnosed with RSV. He is STILL trying to get over it. We have been doing breathing treatments every 3 hours and giving him tylenol when he runs fever. I think he is def. getting better but his pediatrician said it could take 7-9 weeks for his little bronchial sacs in his lungs to heal :( poor baby!  We were scheduled to dedicate him at church that Sunday but decided to postpone it since he was so sick and we didn't want him to infect any other babies.  His Mimi made him the cutest outfit to be dedicated in, but maybe he will be able to wear it in March. If not, I took some cute pictures of him in it and I will post with his four month old stats :)

Christmas 2009

I know  I am a bit behind on posting, but I am going to try and catch up over the next few days....  We had a great Christmas this year. It was Cole's first Christmas and even though he didn't really know much about what was going on , it still was alot of FUN!  He got so much stuff from Santa and family and I can't wait for him to play with it all.... We had alot of fun visiting with family and friends over the holidays and are so blessed to have such great friends and a wonderful family to be a part of.