Every night I turn on Bailey's lamp on when it is getting close to bed time and I also turn on our "beans" light as well. When it is time to go to bed either Mike or myself go in and turn the lamp off and say good night to our precious son. I can not tell you how difficult it is sometimes to go in there and smell the smell of baby powder and lotion and realize that the crib that was supposed to be our son, Carter's bed, is still exactly the way it has been for almost 9 months. Everything is exactly the way it has been for 9 months, when we should be picking up toys, play yards and experincing him trying to crawl, walk and talk, instead we are wiping tears from our eyes and longing just to hold or touch our sons skin just one more time.
I have been praying lately for God to give me a sign to know little Carter is safe in the arms of our Lord . I have been praying for a few weeks for this, as I am trying to give my guilt and heavy heart to God. This week I went down the hall to make sure all of the lights were off before I left for work, and as I walked by Carter's room there appeared as his lamp was still on. I thought to myself, I know I cut his lamp off last night. I stood at his door and was frozen as the hair stood up on end on my arms. Above Carter's crib was a bright light. As tears began to stream down my face I realize that God had answered my prayers. There as I stood weaping I felt to presence of the Holy Spirit showing me,my son is safe with Jesus in Heaven by providing a Light above his crib. "For you are my lamp , oh Lord, and my God lightens my darkness" 2nd Samuel 22:29.
